Juliet. Screaming and shouting my lungs out. I don't think I lift to that Band Leader thing. FYI Im just the vocalist, not the leader, cause sometimes when i'm singing those songs that I don't like is to please my band members. "ooops" "Sorry Guys" ... Just that now I just wanna say whatever I think that I don't like or disagree.. I have my say right? It's been bored singing english songs, now i'm back with malay songs till the next jamming session. By the way, I made this poetry. Just something cross my mind to write a poetry. But its not that good.
so I end with this poetry. Those in bold are the corrections from my gf. You don't wanna know what's the previous words, phrases or sentences that i wrote. Thanx clumsyB =)
Days are the same without that friend
Like a shell, left alone covered with sand
Days are fun and fine without him
Cos' he's just some last resort to them
Years with that friend staying with a crush
Sinking deeply, without a simple flush
Years to fit, in being a dumb old pest
Yet staying on as a passenger to the one closest
Taking those hits day by day
Smile on his face doesn’t mean he’s gay
It’s just best for him to stay away
But He has his part and he has his say
It's not the end
But it still hurts, my friend
Giving in just to fit in
He may be dumb, but never stupid
Days with that friend doesn't change a thing
With or without, still an invisible thing
Days counting up till he disappears
Till his existence is nowhere near
Never thought that it would end this way
Never thought that he'd stand, till this day
All those moments keep carry on
No more chance but left alone
Taking those hits day by day
Smile on his face doesn’t mean he's gay
It’s just best for him to stay away
Cos' He has his part and he has his say
I know it's not the end
But it still hurts, my friend
Always giving in just to fit in
I may be Dumb, but never stupid
cyg... Thanx for everything, you were there for during my ups and downs. ily
Salam,
hkl
***
Coming back home
December 26, 2008 ;
12:01
My clumsyB is back.. Yeay!! LoL xp Lots of stuff we shared on the phone. Yesterday, non stop contacting each other. On the handphone, on the home telephone, and sms. Non stop till one point of time. I think about 4pm. I fall asleep. Haaha.. Tired I guess. =) So very happy when she came back from her holiday. She must have enjoy herself alot. Im happy for her. 25th december was just a normal rest day to me. Resting at home, watching TV and ofcos sms clumsyB and eat and drink and eat again. xp
I still feel the bleed. Bleed that was hurt by those friends. They seem to just act as if nothing happen. I don't even feel like talking to my brother because of that 22nd December. I may forgive them but as what someone said to me, "Its easy to forgive but not to forget." I realize now that its true because i just cant stand being stepped on. Like in Malay, "Kasi muka naik kepala". The more I give in, the more they take advantage. Don't take advantage of my kindness okay. I'm such a dumb friend.
cyg.. Hapi sgt2 bile awk alik. wana c u soon.. =)
Salam, hkl
***
Yes or No
December 24, 2008 ;
11:53
Yesterday i was in no mood to laugh or smile during the office hour. But was bored. I realized that without her these few days had made my life empty. Friends? They just those people who just wanna occupy their time and call me in as a last resort. I watched Yes Man. Its hilarious and great for those who are in my situation. As if there were any. Saying yes to everything.. That is the word that I would love to say when my friends ask me to join them. But now and in the future, 2nd thoughts will just keep me from saying that word often. Making new friends? YES, sure can. Why not. But keeping them? Nah.. Don't think so..
Lesson learned, no matter how hard I try to make new friends, those numbers will just keep depleting in the future. They can label me "unsocial" all they want. The more friendly i am, the more people will just step on me. Maybe its time to be mean and rude. Maybe its time to care less for others. Maybe its time to fight for my right.
Yes, i'm egoistic, i'm selfish, but all these times i'v been counting how many egoistic and selfish persons around me. Thank you "keynahrakinah" for advising me. I sure need that but my heart still hurt. I've been giving in a lot. Do they even care? Hmm.. Just by not hang out with them for long time meaning they can do this to me? Where's the respect? They are the first few friends who I call "Family" after my national service. Thanx to my brother, I met them. Thanx to "The Man", for organising outings and inviting me with the "family". I had wonderful experiences with the "Family". But damn those involved on 22nd December 2008!
Cyg..... Bile awk nak balik..? I need u badly.. :'(
Salam, hkl
***
December 23, 2008 ;
09:19
I guess nobody will respect me animore other than my love ones. What did I do to deserve this? I don't like to find trouble with people. If its my mistake, please tell me. I don't want anybody to just ignore me or worst, make a two face when seeing me. I guess its like a curse. I forever will not have best friends, close friends, permanent friends. Focus on my career and my love ones are the right and best thing to do right now.
But still I'm not satisfied with those who i call Family in the F&B industry (SG). Im just an unwanted person to them. Giving me orders as they like. They think I'm their age who can be stepped on and order to go here and there. I know, I know, Im the only one attached in that group. Go on, go on without me. Have fun. I know that I'm just the last resort to them. You think I'm childish? Yes I am, when it comes to respect. Who am i to respect those who dont respect me. Im the older one here. I've been giving in and tolerating them. Now i'm the victim. I guess i'll mind my own business.
Baby, i miss you.. Will be waiting for u... :'(
Salam, hkl
***
December 22, 2008 ;
10:48
3, 4 or 5 days make no difference to me. "Uncontactable" for that length of days will just make me feel lost. I need to occupy my days but with pleasant limitations. Maybe i'll watch movie alone, play my psp right after i reach home after work. Listen to my mp3, especially this song, "Memories of Home".. I gonna miss clumsyB. Miss sms-ing her when i'm working. Miss her irritating but cute msn messages when working also. Miss her missed calls when I'm busy working and cant reply her. Miss talking to her every night before sleep. Miss reminding her to eat. I miss her alot i guess. I realise now how she felt when i was outstation for two weeks. It's not only that I will not get to see her but its that i cant even get to contact her. No auto roaming. I hope she can use her parents' hp to call or at least sms me.
Im selfish right? Yes I am..
I cannot wait.. To see your face again, To feel your touch once again.. cyg.. hkl doakan awak selamat pergi dan selamat pulang.
Salam, hkl
***
Sunshine Land
December 20, 2008 ;
21:15
I'm back from my holiday.. Now catching up on things, checking my emails, my other emails, my friendster, my bands myspace... So far so good.. had a great time at the island. Shopping. Taking photos. Watching the dancing sea. Exploring under the sea. Explore and explore again til my leg shaking and got very very tired. =p
There was this log. Took it for a ride.. Its the ride of my life. Like a rollercoaster. heee.. I did ride on a ship and went for treasure hunting with this pirate guy.. Going thru' those crabs and getting wet by those bird droppings.. Almost fall in the pitfall. But in the end we found the treasure. To my surprise the pirate guy just want the treasure for his own. But its a relieved that his greediness lad him to a trap. The treasure was just a test of our wits.
Ok now... Dont understand what I'm talking about. Well.. Just wanna waste my time.. This place is where Oscar and Ami live in. Even the Capitan said he'll be back for another hunt. Hmm.. what a great place for a holiday.
Pictures will be out soon.. =)
Salam, hkl
***
Seal it with an advice
December 17, 2008 ;
14:58
Hi, I was from holiday..I mean holiday from blogging. *lame. Still im not going to update about the past. By the way, i gonna be holiday again but its a real one. a secret holiday. Dun worry, not your problem.
Anyway, today I am bored at work. Always staring at the computer doing AutoCADD drawing. Drafting, designing, stresing, cursing, etc.. Although it sucks, but its my job now. My career. Moreover, it is time for me to upgrade myself. For my own good.
First, driving license, still ongoing slowwwly but will be smooth next year after i settle some stuff.
Secondly, studies, still thinking of what course to take which will be related to my job. Maybe Electrical Engineering, Marine offshore, or Mechanical, or maybe design or civil engineering. Or maybe i can upgrade my Autocadd skils..
Next, my savings, i wanna save and save till im happy with my income. Im not that young u know. Aiming to get married by 30 or 31 or 32. Arrggh! till i settle down. (Sorry gf, for your own good too dear)
Next,.... maybe later..
Randomly, i wanna thank my family for loving me, especially my parents. Who love me, raise me up, teach me, care for me, respect my decisions, withstand my attitude, and always there to listen to my problems. To my siblings, Mimi, my brother that i reali care so much eventhough i hate his attitude who thinks about himself and not others. Responsibility is all he needs. Then goes down to his care for family and others. Well, I wanna thank him for sharing his hobbies with me. And now we are in the same band. Great! Fathin, my dear sis. She may not realise that i care so much for her. Pampered her. She's the most luckiest girl in our family. Everthing she wants, she got. I just dont whats enough for her. Doing simple house chores, are like detention to her. But still, she is our princess who i will take care even if my life depend on it.
My Dearest clumsyB, aka girlfriend. =) If u read my previous post, she is the reason why i started a blog in a first place. All i could write about is her. Now that we are together, I just dont know what to write about. Whatever we did together, gf had updated it to her blog. hee.. She changed my life. She made me realisd that an eldest son or daughter has his/her own way to settle in a family. Meaning, the upbringing of a family is different from other families. God knows what im talking about. 15 months and still counting.. (",)
My band, Complex Juliet, I wanna thank them for bringing my hobby to live. As im not fit to train in silat, this is the only interest i have that can keep me away from the stress at work. Alfie aka Aliff, who put this band together. Without him, we may even make an original song and perform in gigs and competition. He has the communication skills to interact with other band. Like a public relation guy. Sometimes, he gave us the nerves but overall his our friend and like a brother to me. Fezo aka Hafeez, who showed me the meaning of working hard to passion. He do his very best to stay in his passion even when obstacles hinder him. He's willingness to learn and change himself makes me realise that it is not always a goodbye when bad things happen to oneself. I wanna thank him for that. Nizam, Mamai, the only couple who is involve in the band. They showed me that age doesnt matter in a relationship. They showed me that problems never stop them from loving and supporting each other. I wana thank Mamai for coming to our almost every band practice, eventhough sometime we suck. Thank Zam aka Nizam, for giving me confidence when im down. Still more but maybe next time.
Ok, i heard that most of the people around me hate their lives. I agree with that, life sometimes suck. But we have to look at the people atound us. How suck our lives are, there are others much worse. or may not have a life at all. Look at our ownself. Did we do the right thing for ourselves and others? Did we respect our family, especially our parents? Did we put alot of effort to respect others, to pick ourselves up, gain respect? It is all come back to us. Our thinking, our doing, our confidence, our self-esteem, our mistakes. Did we correct that?
