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TheGuy


Muhammad Haikal.
Full-Time Drafts Person.
September 28th, 24.
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Mistake
March 31, 2008 ; 09:42

The worst mistake that i didnt even realise.. I didn't understand u.. I didn't realise that u care bout me so much.. I noe im stupid.. Maybe bcos of the past mistakes iv made.. Maybe bcos of my decisions to get a career and stopped being a student.. I did this with lots of thinking.. I noe its harsh but this is what i call freedom.. Im 23, goin to 24. I hav to make my own decision for my own sake, not others.. i may be selfish but come to think of that, I know im right. I officiall single but taken. Single as in not married. So i do what's best for me. Then my family, then my close ones.

So thats the 1st thing. Next is about my interests. Firstly, silat. I know that i can't pursue this, cos i'm no more in any clubs or school. I cant join competitions. I can't join 'tanding' and that i noe, bcos of this stupid knee.. I cant even play soccer well and i cant even jog or like i normally do.. Its disappointing not to b able to beat or atleast on par with your own timing. Then when it comes to 'seni', i thought i have hope.. But its just for me to train at home..

What for should i come for training if im no more in that team..? Yah, ppl would say its for improving your fitness and giving them support. How can i improve my fitness when i can't even catch up with their trainings...? How can i give than support when i always have a disappointing feeling in me..?

Once again.. I may be selfish but its my mistake and i dun want to come to a place where i have false hope of myself. Every time when i train my 'regu' alone at home, it feels like im have something that i can do after my injury, besides singing, and drumming. But i guess it should be left at home and stays there.

Now, next is about involving in musics. I love singing, no doubt about it. Since i started practising my drummings again, i started to enjoy being in the band. Where i can do 2 things at one session. Singing n drumming. Its a great feeling to perform infront of others even if your band is still not that tight yet. But i may get out of hand. Not understanding someone close to me..

Its been 7 months we are together. She has been tolerating my selfishness.. She care about me too much. And i took her for granted. Am i not that ready for this relationship.? At this age i should be.. I still don't get it.. Do we understand each other? Or its me whose being selfish all this while..? I dunno. I can't judge myself.. What i know is i have made alot of ppl sad. And alot of them might be disappointed in me, even before i realised it. Yes. Iv made a mistake.


cyg, hkl minta maaf. hkl telah byk buat slg dgn awk. hkl byk kasi awk sedih. maafkan hkl. jgnlah menangis lagi sayang. hkl sangat menyayangi nur. hkl mau hubungan kte berkekalan. insyaallah..

Salam,
hkl

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